"Our Lord replies in effect, that abandonment is for Himself, and not for what the disciples themselves will get from it."
This is a really hard lesson to learn. Almost every time I come to God, I desire something in return; a closer relationship, wisdom, healing, forgiveness, etc.. Coming to God for nothing other than to be with Him rarely happens.
I remember talking with a friend one day who told me that he refused to ask God for anything for one year. For him, it was a means of disciplining himself to just make himself available for God in prayer. At the time, that sounded crazy. But the more I reflect on reasons why I feel I need to ask things of God, the more I realize how self-centered my times of prayer are.
What if I just spent time with God in silence? What would I hear?
I'm not sure I want to know. What if He confronts me about something? If I'm quiet, I can't defend myself (I know that's a stupid thing to do, but I bet I'm not the only one who does it). That's probably why I struggle to release control to God.
But I must release control. So this is my discipline for Holy Week...to spend time daily with God in prayer, saying nothing.
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